Thinking of those suffering serious illness
There are some of my readers who are either suffering right now from serious illness including cancer, or know of someone … and the effects ripple out to them.And some have young children.The courage of those suffering is immense as they battle a journey that they never expected - facing their own internal fears and judgements by some in their communities. I see you.
As a therapist, I have to constantly look at myself and any judgements. We are taught to reflect, and this is what I encourage my clients to do. And we develop more empathy and compassion along the way as we let go of judgements - both those of others and ourselves. None of us is perfect (despite ‘Mary Poppins’ saying she is ‘practically perfect’ [smile]).
Expectations and judgement
Let us imagine for a moment that we are the woman in this story …
You may be aware recently of a young woman whose life is constantly on the front page news because of the family she married into, and who has a very young family. She is known for both her public works and her compassion and selfless work in the communities, away from the bright lights. She presently has a serious, life threatening illness. Today she put out a short video thanking people for their kindness and ending her message thinking of those who are also suffering cancer. “At this time, I am also thinking of all those whose lives have been affected by cancer. For everyone facing this disease, in whatever form, please do not lose faith or hope. You are not alone.”
It was such a courageous message as she enters chemo. Every person who has young children would surely understand the fear and pain in a person navigating this time of life as they worry for their children whilst they endeavour to do what they must do to survive and get well.I know so many women through my work who would do anything to protect their kids from suffering.But when this particular woman initially asked for privacy and time to recover, she was barraged by media who were intent on making up their own stories.
And then, even worse - she tried to make a family photo of 3 smiling children by copying and pasting! So she is judged and condemned worldwide. Every detail was picked on. This woman was endeavouring to wish mothers in her country a happy Mothers Day, and was judged again. I imagine she would have poured over the photos, despite pain and illness, trying to get just the right effect so the post would be happy and smiling. Creating is also therapeutic. She was doing what many of us would, or have, done.
Everyone knows that children do not all smile at the same time. Or one runs away from the picture just as a photo is taken.I have been ‘guilty’ of copying and pasting a person who looked better in one photo into another in a group photo, so as to remember them smiling or looking their best. I certainly had to do so professionally editing when I was working as a designer years ago. This woman was not editing to make someone look thinner, nor removing blemishes. She just wanted the best group photo of her family, almost like creating a montage.
Like myself when I create, I imagine she was endeavouring to make someone else happy or hopeful with the outcome. I sincerely wish her healing blessings,However, the media and influencers did nothing but pick on her and her creation to pieces - yet they do not get called out on the shocking photo edits and false stories in media coverage. Nor the harm that they do to our young people who feel that they have to aspire to unrealistic expectations.
Historically women are judged harshly
The judgement of this poor woman seems akin to a witch hunt. Witch hunts sought out and denigrated women as scapegoats. In the past they were women who were doing good - the best that they could in their community. An example of some would be of using herbs to make potions and salves, and so they were judged for doing something differently to others and burned at the stake.
I can think of a trial by media in the 1980s of a woman who lost her baby in the centre of Australia - that did not end well for her, nor her broken family. She too had tried to do everything she could at the time, but was judged no matter what.
And, I too, have been judged harshly for things I have done, or not done. Impossible demands or expectations placed upon me. I get it. And I am sure many of my readers have experienced judgement also.‘
There but for the grace of God go I’ as the saying goes.
I like to teach others to be curious rather than judgemental. And this applies to when they are thinking of themselves as well. Many people are harsh to themselves when they think of ‘shoulds’. Many try to aspire to something that is not reasonable. And yes, I have been there too.
Doing the best we can
Please remember that: each person is doing the best with what they know at this point in time. And I know you are doing your best.
You are so much more than you imagine!