In the late 70s and early 80s, we certainly lived differently. Fashion was a big deal. The 80s was dominated by 'bigger is better', and this meant that shoulder pads for women were considered a definite inclusion in fashion. So, there was the big 'bubble gum' bouncy sleeves, (think Princess Diana's wedding), flounces and shoulder pads. It was not considered a decade of style. But, in matters of women and babies - it was still a time of 'hiding pregnancy'.
Oh how I wished I had known - and been able - to wear what I wanted as a young pregnant wife in the early 80s. The best way I could describe maternity wear was 'frumpy'. It was truly awful. Everything was bigger and bigger to hide the 'bump'. It was like wearing tents - sometimes tents with a frill. I had so wanted to be a mother, but pregnancy was definitely not like anything I imagined. I wanted so much to feel supported and I wanted the baby so much. However, the moment my baby was born I fell in love with her and it was all worth it.
This photo detail is from a year after giving birth, and I had been very ill with gall disease, which had a 'side effect' of losing weight - getting me back to 'normal' weight at the time. There was a great pressure to get back to a suitable weight, and as I had suffered an eating disorder in my late teens I felt very vulnerable and pressured. But gall disease was horrible - and unfortunately meant that I had to stop breast feeding as I sought to find something suitable to feed baby that didn't provoke baby's allergies as well. I remember walking regularly with the pram to the shops to bring home a bottle of fresh goats milk. There was not the variety of milks or baby formula we have now .
But I digress, and to get back to the story, in pregnancy fashion of the time, we just looked fatter and fatter, without any bump showing. Honestly, I hated it. Talk about lowering one's self esteem. And as soon as baby was born there was so much pressure to look 'normal' again and to be a 'good wife'. I remember a booklet I was given at the Baby Health Centre that focused on 'How to clean the sinks, bath and wipe down everything, then tidy up and start making the meals for the day'. I wonder how many women are given that when their babies are born now?!? I felt the burden of not only having to keep myself and my baby looking and behaving 'perfectly' but of keeping the household that way as well. I wish someone had told me that I could slow down and just be. But this pressure to be perfect* was constantly reaffirmed. (*I will write a separate post about 'perfection' another time.)
I see women now who wear dresses that outline their pregnancy in a caring and lovely way, and in doing so we know to be a little more careful not to bump into them. Back in my time, no-one could tell you were pregnant. They just labelled us as 'fat'. I guess that is why a character with a real life pregnancy in a popular sitcom of the early nineties was conveniently re-assessed and sent to a 'fat farm' instead of writing the pregnancy into the story. I used to feel that was very denigrating to the woman concerned.
Anyway, on comparing the past to today ... my pregnancy was plagued with swollen feet and legs. Dangerously so. I couldn't leave work earlier, (financial concerns by my spouse), so I would lie on the floor at the office in my breaks and lunch with my feet up on a chair to relieve the swelling. My then spouse had so much fear around my not working that everything had to be 'perfect' on the surface. And he wasn't the only one. Many men thought the same at the time. So I carried on. In the person I am now in the present, I would not have tolerated it. But it was a different time and place, and life moves on. So, the frumpy dresses did nothing for my self esteem as an upcoming new mum. For a person who felt low to begin with, this certainly did not help. Additionally, there was a long gone neighbour who bullied and threatened me in the nastiest ways in moments that no-one was looking or hearing, so no-one would believe me. I became so adept at wearing a 'mask face' in so many scenarios, just to be thought ok or to fit in. The fears from the verbal threats led me into two false labours, and then an induction, just so I would feel safe at the hospital. No-one knew about the threats because you couldn't say anything against anyone in 'authority service' in those days. And who would believe a 'pregnant woman'? And, so I felt helpless. (Little did I know until my late fifties that this was a pattern I had encountered since being a small child sexually abused.) Being put into hospital was like a safety net for me where I could feel safe at delivering my beautiful baby.
It was a small country hospital, and it was common for new mothers to be in hospital for 10 days and to be taught by the nurses how to feed, express milk, (including expressing excess in small bottles to be used by other mothers who could not breastfeed) and, learn confidence in bathing and changing baby. It was a different time. Looking back, it was like a breathing space. Mothers don't get that time or nurturing now.
Health concerns no longer allow the practice of expressing milk for other mothers' use either. We were encouraged to dress in day clothes and act like it was a 'holiday' in order to learn these skills. I remember being encouraged to use the maternity kitchen and drink 'Sustagen' or 'Akta-Vite' a couple of times a day. Fathers and family could visit in designated hours, but the focus was on caring and nurturing the new mother. As I unfortunately had a case of massive mastitis, (breast engorgement infection), and baby had mouth thrush, the nurses would use an old fashioned remedy of poultices of warmed cabbage leaves to relieve the breast pain and help reduce the swelling. Baby had to be fed expressed milk in bottles to help treat the thrush infection and be treated on the mouth with gentian violet (a purple colour anti-fungal), as were my nipples. So you can see how ten days could fly by. When I took my baby home it was the time of the Ash Wednesday fires in Victoria and South Australia and temperatures at home were in the high thirties celsius. It was really difficult to keep cool. I must admit the loneliness with the added pressure of having to keep everything 'perfect' and to do everything I could (including walking at night) to keep baby 'quiet and perfectly behaved' so as not to interrupt my partner's life. As you know, babies grow fast, and there were many beautiful handmade items that my baby never got to wear, or only wore once. But they were very beautiful and many clothes I handmade myself. I handmade a rag doll for our child for their birthday because we had no spare income. I remember the love and dedication I put into that doll. Again, it was a different time and space. So we continued headlong into the fashions of the eighties - where mother/child matching outfit fashions were also popular, be it girl or boy. But on the other hand, there were still roundabouts at park playgrounds, and high swings and see-saws that you could walk up one side and down the other feeling the thrill of making sure you didn't fall off. And everyone of all ages loved the roundabouts. Those early adventure lands no longer exist.
Till next time.